It’s always difficult to look at Judas’ story in the Bible. I am left with so many questions. Questions like — when did he start being dishonest about the money? Was there a point of sincere belief, but then the greed started to take over? I like how Pastor Jason pointed out that the hardening of his heart did not happen in just one instance, it likely happened over time. Heart-hardening is not an overnight experience.
It’s difficult to imagine someone that was so close to Jesus’ ministry, yet didn’t truly see Him or His heart. You have to wonder…how did Judas miss the whole point? Sin was involved, his flesh was involved, and ultimately, the enemy was also clearly involved.
On Sunday, Pastor Jason took a few moments to talk about the pain that can come from the hands of other believers. I think all of us have experienced this kind of pain to some degree. When someone proclaims Christ with their mouth, it is unbelievably hurtful when their actions don’t follow. We expect more from them, because they unashamedly wear the mark of Christ. So why do they still choose to act in a way that hurts and tears down other believers?
Throughout my years of being a believer, I have watched some big leaders fall…leaders that people truly depended on. There have been so many moments where a leader falls, and then others choose to walk away from the faith because of it. The fall was so deep and so hard and so shocking, that they decided this whole “faith” thing might not be real after all. The depth of their faith was directly tied to how leaders they followed clung to and acted out their own faith principles. But at some point, we have to ask…when will our faith become our own?
Leaders will fail us. Leaders are not Jesus. People in general will fail us. Christians can cause some of the worst hurt there is. But when does our faith leave the intertwining of another’s faith and become just us and God? When do we say — Lord, it’s just you and me right now, and I’m OK with that.
I think something even deeper happens when a brother or sister in Christ publicly fails right in front of us. This “something deeper” is very subtle, but it’s important that we are aware of it…because it affects our entire faith. When we watch someone fall…we start to believe lies about the character and heart of God.
Imagine the disciples watching Judas go through with this deep betrayal. There is no doubt that they felt this on a very personal level. They had to wonder: how could he do this? But under the surface…there is an even deeper question that probes at the heart and motives of God: How could He allow this?
The disciples at this point did not fully understand the plan. We see glimpses of that throughout the story. They don’t have the more full understanding of Christ’s death that we have as we hold these scriptures in our hands. So it must have been very confusing and heartbreaking to watch Jesus, the Son of God, being handed over in betrayal and put to death. They had to wonder: is this the end of the story, and if so, why would God ever allow this?
We all ask that question. And sometimes, when another believer betrays us or steps out in wrongful action, we can’t help but start questioning God.
Here’s my encouragement to you, as someone who has asked these very questions of God, sometimes shaking my fist at heaven and wondering why on earth He would ever allow it. Just know that God can handle every question we throw at Him.
He is not upset that we ask questions. He is not surprised that our mind would go to such dark places of questioning His character. Dear friend, He does not love you any less. In fact, He has always been a God that welcomes questioning, that welcomes the truth to come to light.
On this side of eternity, we may not understand all the “why” questioning…but the more we ask of Him, and the more we search for Him, and the more we get to know His heart…the more we can settle in a place of certainty that He is still good — no matter what He allows.
I’m not going to lie…coming to this point of seeing all the pain, and yet still believing in His goodness, is as Brandon Lake puts it in his song, “A Hard Fought Hallelujah,”….but, if you can get there….I truly believe you can face anything this life throws at you, especially the times when another believer hurts or betrays you.
When your faith truly becomes your own, you can face the flaming darts of the enemy with a greater courage and strength than you could’ve ever dreamed of. If you are no longer tethered to how a human in front of you lives out their faith, but instead, directly tied vertically with the Father…there is steadfastness that runs deep. I hope that this story of Judas inspired you to truly make your faith your own. Because once you do, there is a closeness that develops with the Savior that no one can take back.
There was one more thing that I saw this Sunday that truly touched my heart. In John 13:25, it says that (John - we assume), was “leaning back on Jesus’ breast.” Of all the times I have read this story, I never noticed this one detail. John was so close to Jesus, that he was just sitting there, leaning his head on his chest. This reminds me of a child that feels so safe with their parent that they can’t help but lean, be close, and want that kind of comfort.
What John did here stands out in stark contrast to Judas’ action leaning away from Jesus with his words as he called Him “Rabbi” instead of “Lord”. Did it feel easier to create distance knowing what he was about to do?
In the middle of our questioning and doubts, may we be like John…leaning close in, hearing the heartbeat of Jesus, and finding comfort in that embrace. He can handle our questions, and He is also ready and willing to give us His love and assurance along the way. We can hold both in the same heart. We can come to Him with it all.
It’s difficult to imagine someone that was so close to Jesus’ ministry, yet didn’t truly see Him or His heart. You have to wonder…how did Judas miss the whole point? Sin was involved, his flesh was involved, and ultimately, the enemy was also clearly involved.
On Sunday, Pastor Jason took a few moments to talk about the pain that can come from the hands of other believers. I think all of us have experienced this kind of pain to some degree. When someone proclaims Christ with their mouth, it is unbelievably hurtful when their actions don’t follow. We expect more from them, because they unashamedly wear the mark of Christ. So why do they still choose to act in a way that hurts and tears down other believers?
Throughout my years of being a believer, I have watched some big leaders fall…leaders that people truly depended on. There have been so many moments where a leader falls, and then others choose to walk away from the faith because of it. The fall was so deep and so hard and so shocking, that they decided this whole “faith” thing might not be real after all. The depth of their faith was directly tied to how leaders they followed clung to and acted out their own faith principles. But at some point, we have to ask…when will our faith become our own?
Leaders will fail us. Leaders are not Jesus. People in general will fail us. Christians can cause some of the worst hurt there is. But when does our faith leave the intertwining of another’s faith and become just us and God? When do we say — Lord, it’s just you and me right now, and I’m OK with that.
I think something even deeper happens when a brother or sister in Christ publicly fails right in front of us. This “something deeper” is very subtle, but it’s important that we are aware of it…because it affects our entire faith. When we watch someone fall…we start to believe lies about the character and heart of God.
Imagine the disciples watching Judas go through with this deep betrayal. There is no doubt that they felt this on a very personal level. They had to wonder: how could he do this? But under the surface…there is an even deeper question that probes at the heart and motives of God: How could He allow this?
The disciples at this point did not fully understand the plan. We see glimpses of that throughout the story. They don’t have the more full understanding of Christ’s death that we have as we hold these scriptures in our hands. So it must have been very confusing and heartbreaking to watch Jesus, the Son of God, being handed over in betrayal and put to death. They had to wonder: is this the end of the story, and if so, why would God ever allow this?
We all ask that question. And sometimes, when another believer betrays us or steps out in wrongful action, we can’t help but start questioning God.
Here’s my encouragement to you, as someone who has asked these very questions of God, sometimes shaking my fist at heaven and wondering why on earth He would ever allow it. Just know that God can handle every question we throw at Him.
He is not upset that we ask questions. He is not surprised that our mind would go to such dark places of questioning His character. Dear friend, He does not love you any less. In fact, He has always been a God that welcomes questioning, that welcomes the truth to come to light.
On this side of eternity, we may not understand all the “why” questioning…but the more we ask of Him, and the more we search for Him, and the more we get to know His heart…the more we can settle in a place of certainty that He is still good — no matter what He allows.
I’m not going to lie…coming to this point of seeing all the pain, and yet still believing in His goodness, is as Brandon Lake puts it in his song, “A Hard Fought Hallelujah,”….but, if you can get there….I truly believe you can face anything this life throws at you, especially the times when another believer hurts or betrays you.
When your faith truly becomes your own, you can face the flaming darts of the enemy with a greater courage and strength than you could’ve ever dreamed of. If you are no longer tethered to how a human in front of you lives out their faith, but instead, directly tied vertically with the Father…there is steadfastness that runs deep. I hope that this story of Judas inspired you to truly make your faith your own. Because once you do, there is a closeness that develops with the Savior that no one can take back.
There was one more thing that I saw this Sunday that truly touched my heart. In John 13:25, it says that (John - we assume), was “leaning back on Jesus’ breast.” Of all the times I have read this story, I never noticed this one detail. John was so close to Jesus, that he was just sitting there, leaning his head on his chest. This reminds me of a child that feels so safe with their parent that they can’t help but lean, be close, and want that kind of comfort.
What John did here stands out in stark contrast to Judas’ action leaning away from Jesus with his words as he called Him “Rabbi” instead of “Lord”. Did it feel easier to create distance knowing what he was about to do?
In the middle of our questioning and doubts, may we be like John…leaning close in, hearing the heartbeat of Jesus, and finding comfort in that embrace. He can handle our questions, and He is also ready and willing to give us His love and assurance along the way. We can hold both in the same heart. We can come to Him with it all.
Erika Pizzo
Erika is an author of various books on the topics of faith, mental health, and victory in Christ. Erika lives with her husband, daughter, son, and their fluffy poodle in sunny Southern California. Her two favorite things are a visit to the beach and a chai latte in hand.