A few years ago I started to face some really ambiguous health issues. I went from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what could be going on in my body and with my health, but no answers seemed to come. I started to lose faith in the process of even going to see doctors, and the result of what came in those years of heartache was crippling anxiety.
I became afraid of everything, because I thought at that time that God had, in a way, let me slip through the cracks…it felt like I had been forgotten.
So many prayers had been prayed; pleading for healing and answers, but I was left to struggle. God was incredibly tender in these moments, and I remember Him walking me through some really broken theology about who He was and His character…He never stopped loving me and showing me the truth.
But I stopped seeing Him as a loving Father (like we talked about Sunday) and instead saw Him as an authority figure set out to punish me and force me to be more like Christ. I tried my best to reconcile how a loving God could allow all of this…and it led to me actually believing falsehoods about Him and who He is.
As the Lord was drawing me back during all of this heartache, He reasoned with me through the scriptures, and I remember feeling immense comfort in Psalm 121, verses 3-6:
“He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not smite you by day,
nor the moon by night.” (ESV)
The Lord is my keeper. The Lord is your keeper.
On Sunday, we talked about this concept of the Lord “keeping” us. Pastor Jason shared 1 Peter 1:5 where it says we “…who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.”(NKJV)
The Greek word here, phroureō, means to protect, guard, or to keep.
And what’s even more interesting to me is that this exact word is used in Philippians 4:6-7 — the well known passage used to address anxiety:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (ESV)
There were moments in the grips of my own anxiety where I longed for this peace. I wondered: God where is this peace you promise? Why can’t I feel it, touch it, experience it?
All my brain can do right now is enter a fight or flight mode.
It was not until all these years later that I realized His peace was doing exactly what I needed in that moment…it was keeping me.
All this time, He kept me safe. All this time, He watched over the very hairs of my head. All this time, He collected my tears in a bottle.
For those of you who struggle with anxiety…and I know there are many of you out there…I want you to know that it really doesn’t depend on you to let the Lord keep you. He does it beautifully on His own. He keeps you every single day. He holds your life.
Breathe dear friend, breathe a sigh of relief knowing that it is not up to you. His capable hands are holding you. It’s OK to let go. Because even if you do let go (like I let go of solid theology during that time of suffering) He will bring you back. He will bring you back because He never let go of you in the first place. Even if we try to separate ourselves from His love, nothing can do that…not even ourselves, not even our own mind. Could anything be more comforting in the entire world?
Trust that His grip will hold you, that His strength will keep you, and that you don’t have to earn or fight or wrestle to hold on…because He is right there all along…keeping you safe, keeping you protected, and keeping you whole in Him.
I became afraid of everything, because I thought at that time that God had, in a way, let me slip through the cracks…it felt like I had been forgotten.
So many prayers had been prayed; pleading for healing and answers, but I was left to struggle. God was incredibly tender in these moments, and I remember Him walking me through some really broken theology about who He was and His character…He never stopped loving me and showing me the truth.
But I stopped seeing Him as a loving Father (like we talked about Sunday) and instead saw Him as an authority figure set out to punish me and force me to be more like Christ. I tried my best to reconcile how a loving God could allow all of this…and it led to me actually believing falsehoods about Him and who He is.
As the Lord was drawing me back during all of this heartache, He reasoned with me through the scriptures, and I remember feeling immense comfort in Psalm 121, verses 3-6:
“He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not smite you by day,
nor the moon by night.” (ESV)
The Lord is my keeper. The Lord is your keeper.
On Sunday, we talked about this concept of the Lord “keeping” us. Pastor Jason shared 1 Peter 1:5 where it says we “…who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.”(NKJV)
The Greek word here, phroureō, means to protect, guard, or to keep.
And what’s even more interesting to me is that this exact word is used in Philippians 4:6-7 — the well known passage used to address anxiety:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (ESV)
There were moments in the grips of my own anxiety where I longed for this peace. I wondered: God where is this peace you promise? Why can’t I feel it, touch it, experience it?
All my brain can do right now is enter a fight or flight mode.
It was not until all these years later that I realized His peace was doing exactly what I needed in that moment…it was keeping me.
All this time, He kept me safe. All this time, He watched over the very hairs of my head. All this time, He collected my tears in a bottle.
For those of you who struggle with anxiety…and I know there are many of you out there…I want you to know that it really doesn’t depend on you to let the Lord keep you. He does it beautifully on His own. He keeps you every single day. He holds your life.
Breathe dear friend, breathe a sigh of relief knowing that it is not up to you. His capable hands are holding you. It’s OK to let go. Because even if you do let go (like I let go of solid theology during that time of suffering) He will bring you back. He will bring you back because He never let go of you in the first place. Even if we try to separate ourselves from His love, nothing can do that…not even ourselves, not even our own mind. Could anything be more comforting in the entire world?
Trust that His grip will hold you, that His strength will keep you, and that you don’t have to earn or fight or wrestle to hold on…because He is right there all along…keeping you safe, keeping you protected, and keeping you whole in Him.
Erika Pizzo
Erika is an author of various books on the topics of faith, mental health, and victory in Christ. Erika lives with her husband, daughter, son, and their fluffy poodle in sunny Southern California. Her two favorite things are a visit to the beach and a chai latte in hand.